How to Say No When Something isn’t Serving You
“I really need to stop saying yes to so many things, I think I need to set some boundaries and start saying no to all that doesn’t serve me.”
Do you find it hard to say no? Do you agree to things even when you know they’re hindering your progress - in life, business, or in your personal growth?
You’re not alone.
Turning people down is hard, especially for those of us who have a persistent desire to please others. We want to make everyone happy. But we can’t make everyone happy - and we need to look after ourselves, too.
Social psychologist Susan Newman wrote a whole book about how to say no. In it, she writes that we often say ‘yes’ because we think it will make people like us more; we don’t want to appear selfish or unhelpful. She notes that this is especially true for women, who grow up with pressure to be compliant and agreeable rather than assertive.
How to Say No
Saying no to things that don’t serve you will create space in your mind and time in your life. And with that space and time you have the potential to grow in ways you want to grow, and focus on the projects that are important to you.
First, work on letting go of that desire to be liked. Most people won’t dislike you for saying no anyway - they’ll respect your assertiveness and appreciate that you know your boundaries.
But if they do dislike you for it? That’s OK. Let it go, and wish them well - and know that they need to work on managing their own expectations. You are perfectly entitled to say no.
And then with that in mind, practice!
Say no to yourself in the mirror. It sounds silly, but try it. Be kind but firm; understanding but assertive. If you can, practice on trusted friends or colleagues too. And when you’re ready, take it into the real world.
Allow others to have their own reactions to your refusal. They’re allowed to be disappointed, frustrated, or shocked. But remember that you’re not responsible for their emotions and a negative reaction doesn’t mean you should change your mind.
Stay firm. You are your own boss and you’ve got this. Give it time, and you’ll start to reap the rewards of protecting your energy.
Check out the latest episodes of The Confessions of a #BeautyBoss Podcast here.